It seems I begin many of my blogs by saying, "it's been a long time since I've written...."

I mentioned in the beginning that my blogging is mainly something I do when my work is done at work. It's been a long time since that has been the case.

I started a major project before Christmas which consisted of pulling old files from storage that should have gone to our off-site storage a long time ago, (before I was here to do it). Each, individual file had to be entered into the system as well as the box that each file went into. The storage company picked up my 17, 45 lb. cartons today.

P-A-R-T-Y!

With my exhilaration comes the realization that the work I found to keep myself busy for the past several months is now done and I must find some other project to keep myself occupied after my regular work is done.

Keeping busy is always a good thing, but especially so these past months. I deleted about 12 post-drafts a couple weeks ago...stuff that just couldn't suitably be put into words at the time.

On April 10th, we lost five employees to cut-backs with no, real warning...that was a tough one to witness. One of our UAs transferred to another department May 1st and our department head retired May 15th. The absence of these people has left a big hole, it appears, not to be filled.

o o o o o

I lost a dear friend here at work. We met late in the Fall and became instant friends. We spent all our breaks together from that day on. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in late March and passed away April 28th, presumably from heart failure, after only three chemo treatments. We knew she wasn't well; we really just didn't have any idea. She was only four months older than me. For as devastated as I have been, her husband and family were just getting used to the idea that Sheila had cancer and what may be ahead for them. To lose her so suddenly...well...who could put that into words?

I do understand the importance of a "visitation" or "Celebration of Life" service perhaps now, more than I ever have. Although Sheila and her husband had lived in the area for nearly two decades, they were originally from New Orleans where much of their family remains and Sheila's body was taken there. There was no local service, no visitation, no obituary, although a memorial mass was to be scheduled for a later date. It was very hard to wrap my head around the fact that she was gone.

Simultaneous with the service being held for her in Louisiana, our department gathered outside. A few words of scripture, a poem read and prayers lifted in behalf of her family who loved her so much. The release of white balloons...tears flowed, hugs shared with folks that maybe we didn't know that well, but the one thing we had in common was knowing Sheila. I gotta say, I felt some better...it was something.

I miss ya', girl. Unjustifiably, I get mad whenever I drive by your parking spot and someone else is in it. I can't see a commercial for "5 for $5.95" or think about a caramel frapaccino without thinking about you...I know how you loved Tuesdays! I miss your laughter, your stories, your recipes and the time we spent together every day at work. You were one of the most thoughtful, loving persons I had ever known and I was honored to have you as my friend.

o o o o o

Sometimes it's hard to find joy in this life, but my grandkids continue to provide me with an ongoing bounty of love, fun & entertainment. Braedon turned four years old May 10th; Lexi will be seven in September. Lexi just completed her first soccer season. Nothing is funnier than watching a kid chasing her shadow on the soccer field, forgetting that she's supposed to be focused on the soccer ball that just whizzed by her. It's been a blast attending her games and watching her progress as she finally "gets it." She's turned into quite the little soccer player.

Bob is doing fine. Still working at Bass Pro. He seems to have favor there and enjoys it so what's a wife to do?! He sold his Harley a couple months ago. If he's missed it at all, he's sure foolin' me! It was too hot to ride last summer; sweat and sunburn just isn't the fun it used to be...we are definitely comfort people. I think maybe he's ready to move on to some other retirement adventure! We shall see!

As for me, I'm doing the 10-hour days again. I have every Friday, Saturday & Sunday off.

Bob and I are headed to IL this weekend to celebrate Father's Day & be with family. We'll all be attending Destiny Fellowship on Sunday and Dad wants Joyce, Janet and I to sing. I told a friend in an E-mail earlier today that we'll probably be practicing around a sink full of dirty dishes Saturday night...just like old times.

Mom, Dad, Joyce, Janet, Jodie, Jennifer & I are headed to Winter Haven, FL on vacation in July. We know that July is an insane time to go to FL...it was the only time we could ALL go. No husbands, no kids....just Mom, Dad & the girls. Talk about an adventure! We've rented a big house on a lake and Dad's family is only a short distance from there so it will be a reunion of sorts.

My friend, Sheila

Monday, April 28, 2008

I'm not sure when, exactly, we became friends. I'm guessing that her desk is probably about 30 feet from mine. We started taking our breaks together late last summer.

Over the course of the past several months, we have become close. We share our deepest thoughts, our concerns, laughter and tears. We talk about our husbands, children, grandchildren, step-children, sisters, friends, parents, in-laws, out-laws, cooking and our work. We consider our friendship therapy.

Every once in a while she would say, "Did I ever tell you about the time...." and off she'd go on another wonderful story.

We laughed when we exchanged Starbucks gift cards at Christmas time. A couple times, she left a tall cafe mocha on my desk with a note that said, "Happy Monday!" I'm still carrying in my wallet the gift card she gave me for my birthday. The one time we were able to get away for lunch together, she insisted on paying for mine. There was no arguing with her.

She was diagnosed with Stage III, small-cell, inoperable lung cancer on March 25th. Today she died, presumably of heart failure. She had only had three chemo treatments, but was hopeful. She was only 48 years old...four months older than me.

I was doing OK at work until one of her coworkers started packing up her personal belongings from her desk: her pictures, her lunch tote, her giant, insulated water mug. The neon numbers still glowed on her calculator. A note pad and pen lay by her phone as if she'd only stepped away. It was presumed she'd be back when she left to begin treatment. I stood there numb, obviously in the way of the job to be done, surveying the objects on her desk until the hot tears began to sting my face, once again.

What do I do now?

I can't bring her a Carmel Frapuccino, (her Starbucks drink of choice). I'll never get to reciprocate on lunch. I can't mail her the cards I was already beginning to stock-pile to send her while she would go through chemo and radiation. There will be no closure. Although she and her husband moved here 18 years ago, her visitation and funeral will be held in Louisiana. We are all pretty devastated here at work. It's surreal.

I've lost a friend. A relationship that at first was casual and polite, that grew to a bond that I'll cherish forever.

I can't tell you how much I'll miss her and I haven't even really known her that long. My heart breaks for her family. Having been the family of one who has passed on, I can tell you that the pain is seemingly unbearable for a long, long time. Please lift "Sheila's family" in your prayers.

Six years later.......

I had nearly forgotten about this blog. I couldn't decide whether to delete it, continue with it or just leave it for posterity. If nothing else, I decided I could at least update it, if there is anyone out there who may still have their email set to "follow me."

A lot has happened in six years. My job in Nashville was eliminated and it made no sense for us to relocate to Atlanta, the office my job was being moved to. I got a nice severance package, but anytime you lose income, there are adjustments to be made, especially if you're not certain what you really want to do with this new window of opportunity.

That's how I really had to look at this major change in order to keep my peace. It could have been as simple as looking for another job, but Bob and I were looking at it as an open door. We could have stayed in Nashville, close to my son and grandkids, our reason for moving there from central Illinois in the first place, but my husband longed for something more.

At that point, he had been retired for five years and other than a two year stint working at Bass Pro (until the infamous flood came that closed the Opry Mills Mall down for nearly a year), he had mostly been taking care of the house and me while I continued to work. Not exactly the retirement he had in mind.

We have vacationed in Treasure Island, Florida for years. In February of 2013, we took a 700 mile road trip to look at a rental house a block from the beach. We had previously made a 350 mile road trip to Illinois to look at some rental houses, and considered moving back to be close to my parents and our families, but after looking at several houses there was nothing available at that time that appealed to us enough to move back.

Disappointed in the rental house and the jerk that owned it, we sought out other rental possibilities. I got online and found a 55+ mobile home retirement community, one that I had looked at online several times before. We decided to take a 10 minute ride over there to see what they had to offer. Long story short, we bought a mobile home on Boca Ciega Bay and 2 weeks later, loaded up a U-Haul and moved to Florida.

It turned out to be a smart move for us. My son moved back to central Illinois in July of this year and Bob's son and girlfriend who still live in the Nashville area, talk as though they may move to Illinois, too after Michael finishes school and earns his degree.

Three and a half months after moving to Florida, I took a job through a temp agency for a company that does background checks. I liked the job immediately. We don't work directly with the public so I can wear jeans to work everyday instead of looking forward to jeans Fridays, the only day we could wear jeans at my last job.

Fifteen months later, I am still a temp. This has been a huge frustration for me, but the company I am working for has recently purchased two other companies and they haven't hired anyone in months. The word at the water cooler is that change is in the air and I am hoping to be a permanent employee soon. The mediocre pay I started with and lack of paid time off, benefits and paid holidays have caused me to rethink staying with this company a thousand times. There is, however, a promise of better pay, an awesome paid time off and benefits package and the opportunity to work from home. These are the reasons I stay.

Later --

There's alway something....

I've done it again, or perhaps I should say, I haven't done it. It's been seven weeks since I've written.

I'm so over winter, although I shouldn't complain. Our first Tennessee winter has been so much more mild than we are used to and central Illinois has been blasted. None the less, I was thankful that today was my day off and I didn't have to get out in the snow. Bob and I still chuckle when they close the schools here due to weather. In Illinois, a little ice and a couple inches of snow, (or less), wouldn't close the doors. If that were the case, no one would ever get past the second grade.

My boss, who is based in Charlotte, flew in and spent Monday and Tuesday in the Nashville office. She asked me how the 10 hour days were working for me. Not knowing how to not be honest, I told her, "I wish I could do the 10 hour day thing in the Spring and Summer months and work eight hour days in the winter." She immediately said, "no problem."
As Daylight Savings Time arrives early, (March 9th), I will stick with my 10 hour day schedule for now. When Fall arrives once again, we'll see.

I am looking forward to the month of March. Bob and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary on the 27th and I'll turn the big 4-8 on the 30th. I've scheduled a few days of vacation the end of the month in hopes of taking a mini-vacation somewhere in celebration. The temperatures will undoubtedly escalate a bit, although on my birthday, I'll get to hear again about the foot of snow that was on the ground when I was born. The tree and flower buds will begin to pop and once again, new life will Spring forth.

There is always something to look forward to and be thankful for.

Take time to plan my time. Check.

I finally downloaded the pictures from my camera onto my computer. It was a necessity. I got tired of trying to decide which pictures to delete when my camera began flashing "full" in the midst of a picture-taking event. I have so many pictures of my too-cute-for-words grand kids that I usually missed what I wanted to take a picture of because I couldn't let go of the ones already on my camera. Now I can delete with confidence.

Today is my day off work. Besides sprucing up the place a bit, I haven't known quite what to do with myself. Sounds silly considering that I could go a thousand different directions, and should. Which way to go and what to do, exactly, is my dilemma. I feel a little stymied by circumstances, if that makes any sense. I hate to waste precious time. I guess what we often forget is that it sometimes takes time to plan how we're going to make use of it.

I used to be a great planner. I'm still a pretty good list-maker, but only of necessities like groceries. (If you don't put Q-Tips on the list, they're probably not going to get bought.) I hate being at the check-out counter, or worse yet, to leave the store, only to realize I didn't buy the one thing I came to the store to purchase in the first place. A grocery list is a necessity of life. I don't know how people who don't keep a running list function.

The necessities of life...hmm. That's one list that is forever being amended, sometimes, without even realizing it. One day, you just become aware that the things once so important to you, just aren't that important any more. And the people and things that you had taken for granted up to that point, suddenly moved to the top of the important-to-me list.

As for planning this particular day off, I didn't do a very good job. I've accomplished a few, menial tasks that had to be done, but for the most part, I've just been introspective and indecisive. I'm over it and I'm OK with it...for this day, anyway. Besides, the day's not over. I'm about to grab my list and run to the store. I shall overcome my procrastination and accomplish yet another thing. It won't complete me, but it's something.

Have you been to Red Monster lately?

It's Monday, 12/31/2007...the last day of the year. I am the only one here at work in the construction department. My in-box is empty. My to-be-filed box is empty. My two, work E-mail boxes are empty. I guess I am literally just puttin' in my time. At least, the office closes at 3:00 p.m. today, tomorrow is a holiday and Wednesday is my day off. Gee, that sounds nice.

I was so excited when my boss allowed me to change my work hours a couple months ago to 9:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. I loved having that time in the morning to sleep a little later and get a few things done before I left the house. I'm hoping I adapt to this 10 hour day schedule (7:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.) and the benefits of having every Wednesday off will far outweigh the disadvantages of the 10 hour day. I'm certain I'll quickly relearn the value of early to bed, early to rise....

I was thinking about something Braedon said Friday night and it made me "lol," so I thought I'd share. We were trying to decide where to go to eat. Texas Roadhouse and Red Lobster were both suggested. When we finally said, "Braedon, let's go eat," he said, "No! I don't want to go to Red Monster!" Priceless.

Later -

...but, we're grateful anyway...

It is 3:05 p.m. on Sunday afternoon as I begin to write. I'm a little tired and this is the day for rest, but I'm afraid that if I sit down with a book or stretch out on the sofa to watch a movie I'll be out like a light and it's too late in the day for that. I wouldn't sleep a wink tonight if I did. I decided to check my personal E-mail instead, which I hadn't done in a month...99 E-mails! I should be ashamed and, I am. I hope those who were recipients of my responses don't fall off their chairs when they see an E-mail from me!

Work has obviously been steadily busy. Most of my blogging has been during down-time at work so I haven't had as much opportunity. That, and the fact that these past weeks haven't exactly been easy, but God's grace has been sufficient to get me through as He promised it would be.

I wouldn't exactly say I get depressed at the onset of the holiday season, but there is a heaviness. This year, that heaviness was exacerbated by other events, not exactly unexpected, but difficult all the same. It's not even my place to say what those events were, but they did highly affect my family. Satan's messing with us and I'm taking it personally. However, I will squash him like a bug under my feet!

My sister, Jodie, was gracious enough to hop in the car and head to Illinois with me on the 14th of December. It was four years ago the 15th that Trenton went to be with the Lord. Although I know Trenton is not in the ground, his old body is and his Mommy needed to get there to lay a grave blanket. I don't mean to depress anyone by talking about it, it's just what it is.

Although some may call it a vivid imagination, God gave me an awesome vision of Trenton in Heaven this Christmas. I saw an amazing tree with Trent sitting at the base of it, gazing up toward millions of golden-white, glowing, warm lights. I thought it odd that I had that vision this year, being Trent's fifth Christmas in Heaven...why not the first year? Or last year, or the year before that? That vision, however, has given me the title for my infamous, unfinished book, which I shall keep to myself for the time being. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Two uncles, both preachers, went to be with the Lord this year. I can't help but think that we will gather with our loved ones in Heaven...that Uncle David and Uncle Cecil, (6 months and 1 day later), immediately found Trent and Grandma and that there was a joyous reunion, not that I have a Biblical leg to stand on. It always amazed me how my Grandma, even when she was barely coherent and had seemingly, long-forgotton my name, always asked about Trenton.

The following week was thankfully busy. It seems the hard days are not just the day he died...it is also the anniversary of his "celebration of life" and the days after that. The dark days when I thought I'd never be able to take another deep breath. It all seemed so surreal and although I know his life and those events took place, sometimes, it still seems so. There is deep love and gratitude for the privilege of having been Trenton's Mom, the joy and miracles we experienced while he was with us and yet all the emotions that surface at any given time without rhyme, reason or warning. Even though they've been dealt with, they must be given their due only to be embraced and then tucked away once again. It seems the healthy thing to do.

Bob and I had our Tennessee Christmas with Jodie and Randy, Blake, Broc, Courtney, (Broc's girlfriend), Travis, Lexi and Braedon on Sunday night, the 23rd. My Christmas dinner blessing went something like this...

Lord, we thank you for the 12 pound Christmas turkey from Bass Pro that I would have never baked tonight had I not needed the room in the freezer...I preferred to go to Cracker Barrel instead...but, we're grateful anyway.....

I was making a joke, of course. My brother-in-law Randy asked the real blessing and I didn't see any lightening strikes, so I'd like to think the Lord got a little chuckle out of my mock gratitude.

Bob and I, Travis & the kids headed to Illinois early Christmas eve morning. Bob had yet another retirement event with the Dunn Company gang that afternoon where they presented him with a lovely watch and plaque. We spent Christmas eve with the Montgomery's and Christmas day with the Oliger's and headed back to Tennessee on the 26th. Bob worked the 27th, but Thankfully, I didn't have to return until Friday the 28th, giving me a day to get the apartment back in order and the Christmas decorations packed away for another year.

Although we had a lovely Christmas, we are really not "stuff" people ordinarily, (lol...the word "stuff" has taken on a whole new meaning after this morning's service, thanks to Pastor Clay. Catch the Podcast at livingtogo.org.) It's a fine line for me as to whether or not Christmas has become greatly intensified or dimmed somehow these past few years. I was constantly reminding myself of why we celebrate and trying my best to focus. Even through the challenges of these past few months, God and his glory have shined brightly. The peace He continually provides is immeasurable against any other gift we could receive here on Earth.

I told everyone about my Christmas miracles...the opportunity to go to four, 10 hour work days giving me every Wednesday off being one. Yippee! I told them I'd love to at least give it a try. The second being the fact that a guy left for another position which opened up his spot in the parking garage for the next person in line...ME! I told everyone, "I just KNEW God wouldn't make me walk across the street all winter!" I think they all think I'm a little nuts, but that's OK. Gotta give God the glory!

Well, gotta go for now. Hopefully, it won't be another six weeks before I write. With Wednesday's off, maybe I'll have more opportunity. Just remember, life doesn't always turn out as we'd hoped, but the key is to "be grateful anyway." God is there, mediating and working in our behalf, even when we are unaware there is something to be worked on.

Life is like a box of...crayons?

I really hadn't planned to go three weeks without writing...

Our weekdays are pretty consistently the same. Our last few weekends however, have sort of been a bust. Last weekend, Bob had to work on Saturday and then went back in on Sunday morning for an awards breakfast. The weekend before that, he got up on Saturday morning with either an attack of diverticulitis or some stomach-viral-thingy and was down for a few days. We almost wound up at the hospital over that one.

My son, Travis, turned 30 years old on the 9th. Oh, my gosh! My "kid" is 30. Bob and I met him, his family and a few of his friends at a wonderful steak & rib place for dinner that evening. Of course, everyone at the table had worked that day and Bob & Travis both had to work the next day, so it was short and sweet.

What was really cute that evening was Braedon's breakthrough. You know how kids are...give a little kid a piece of paper and four crayons and they scribble with all the colors. And then one day, (that Saturday night, to be exact), something just clicks and they draw a perfect bunny. Braedon said, "Look, Dad. A bunny." As if he'd done it a hundred times before. What was even cuter was his Dad's reaction. His kid, who'd never drawn a picture that resembled much of anything beyond abstract art had drawn a bunny...on his Daddy's 30th birthday.

"Look at this! Did you see this? Mandy? Did you see this?" It was adorable.

Life is like that...colorful, but sometimes messy. And then one day something you've never seen before becomes clear, even amazing, and you know your life will never be the same.

Hump Day

It's Wednesday..."hump day," we used to call it...the day that gets you over the hump of your workweek. Tomorrow it will be four weeks until Thanksgiving. Friday will be jeans day here at work. Fridays are always good.

Bob is off work today. He walked over to the gym with me this morning. I went there on Monday morning but couldn't get the treadmill to work...something I was missing I had assumed, which is why I wanted Bob to go check it out with me. I also couldn't find the remote control to the TVs which also agrivated me, even though Bob had called the office to find out where it was hidden. Of course, since he was with me, all I did this morning was hit the start button, and the treadmill obediently took off. The TV remote, although it wasn't in it's designated, disguised place, was found by Bob on one of the other machines.

Our little gym is a cool room with huge windows on three walls, overlooking the swimming pool. I think I could really get into working out.

Trenton was in my dreams before I woke. I rarely dream, that I remember anyway, and I felt as though I had been visited. I walked to the kitchen for my coffee and suddenly burst into tears. I had been visited and the visit was over.

As for me and my house....

Well, I finally captured a chicken and ummm....those noodles were good. Along with corn-on-the-cob, julienne potatoes and buttermilk biscuits, we had quite a Sunday dinner. I also baked a made-from-scratch banana cake last night with vanilla whip icing. I had some bananas that were a little over the edge and personally, I can't see baking banana bread without nuts, of which, I had none, so banana cake it was.

Vanilla whip icing is the easiest thing in the world. I had an official recipe once upon a time. I don't know whatever happened to it so I kinda wing it, but I don't think you can mess this one up. Mix about 2/3rds the milk suggested in the pudding instructions and combine with the pudding mix with a whisk. Once it thickens, stir in a tub of whipped topping. That's it. The only downfall is that you now have to refrigerate your cake.

Travis brought Lexi & Braedon over Friday night after taking them to the Harvest Celebration at Lexi's school. He's such a good daddy. He was telling me about how Lexi wanted to win a cake in the cake walk and the lesson learned after two attempts, a few tears and still, no cake.

Saturday was a big day. While Grandpa and Braedon went for a haircut, Lexi and Granny hit Wal-Mart for new Crayons, hooded sweatshirts for the kids and wound up buying the pink princess pajamas with white fluff around the sleeves she talked me into. I probably said, "no," a half dozen times while walking through the store, but how could I refuse her the adorable P.J.s? The young mom standing behind me in the check out line with her four boys about had a fit over them. I remember those days when I had two boys to shop for. Having a granddaughter to shop for/with is so much fun.

Late Saturday afternoon we went to the playground area of our apartment complex for the Resident Appreciation Day festivities. There were hamburgers, hot dogs, pumpkin carving, face painting, a bouncy castle, a hay ride and the movie Monster House after dark, under the stars. The kids bounced in the castle, hardly without hesitation, for more than an hour. Personally, I would have been sick as a dog, but they seemed undaunted. They had a blast and Grandpa and I didn't hear another peep out of them once tucked in their bed at 9:00 p.m.

Another exciting moment over the weekend was Lexi going in to Kids Church; this time, without hesitation. I think she even had a small smile of excitement on her face. What a blessing! It has taken her months of walking her to the door and seeing her little tears of trepidation, sitting in kids church with her and finally, the breakthrough came! Lexi has enough drama in her life for a six year old. I just couldn't see forcing her to stay when she didn't want to. Grandpa and I often had conversations in the car on the way home with Braedon, laying it on pretty thick...

"Wow, Braedon! You got CANDY at church? So, you had lots of fun, huh? You got to color? You heard a story?"

If fun and candy would be enticing enough to get Lexi in with her age group instead of sitting in "big church with old people," we would have no shame in using it.

It takes a bit of motivation to serve sleepy-eyed kids breakfast, get them and yourself bathed and dressed in time to get everybody to church without too much distress. I wish it were their parents getting up on Sunday morning to take their two, beautiful, precious children to Sunday School and church, but that's not happening at the moment. So, Granny and Grandpa are doing what they thought was behind them. I can't bear for my Grand kids to not have that foundation, to not know who Jesus is and what He did for them. I want them to know that God has a plan for their lives, plans to prosper them and not to harm them, plans to give them hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11). I won't settle for anything less than for them to know Jesus. I'm standing on His promises. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!

I guess I'm just not meant to have chicken & noodles this week. Last night I went to Sam's. I got all the way up to check-out with my twin-pak of chickens...this I know for sure. The kid couldn't get the price to scan. They had a big, bold sticker on the package with a bar-code and price...it just wouldn't scan. The cashier was going to have to take the chickens back to the meat department, have them reweighed and a new sticker put on the package. I don't think so. I'm still chickenless.

Have you seen my chicken?

Brrr! I'm cold & tired. I'm probably cold because I'm tired. Even though it's mid-October, the temperature today was supposed to be 84 degrees; I have no, real reason to be cold.

I've lost a chicken. I found some amish noodles at the grocery store and chicken & noodles sounds good. I got in the freezer this morning...no chicken. I looked to see if in my haste, I had stuck it in the refrigerator instead. Still, no chicken. Now I'm wondering, did I even buy a chicken? I know I picked up and looked at the chickens because I didn't want a big one. Did I leave it in the shopping cart?

It's Monday. Can you tell?

One Little Change

It's been a long time since I've written. I just haven't had any free time here at work...but, that's what I'm here for, to work. Right? No complaints.

Bob and I have been in our new apartment a whole, four weeks already. We love it.

I changed my work schedule two weeks ago. I'm now working 9:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. as opposed to 7:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. I have literally gained two hours a day.

My life before the schedule change was: alarm goes off at 5:15 a.m., pound the snooze every seven minutes until 5:45, make coffee and try to wake up while watching Enjoying Everyday Life with Joyce Meyer (the 5:00 a.m. program, recorded on the DVR), hit the shower by 6:15 and be on the road to work by 7:00...at the latest.

I've always considered myself a morning person, but I've been an early-bird for so many years, my body just doesn't want to do it anymore. Even worse, was that even though I was home by 4:30 every afternoon, I certainly didn't feel like doing anything heroic when I got there beyond making dinner and cleaning up the mess, (which I consider to be heroic). Over the course of the past several months, I had somehow adopted this sedentary lifestyle and I wasn't liking it at all! We have a lovely gym at our new apartment complex. My fear was that with my work schedule and lack of energy or drive after work, I would never use it and I really, really want to!

Thus, the idea to change my work schedule came to mind. Actually, I believe it was God-inspired!

Only as a precaution, I now set my alarm for 6:30 a.m. The nice part is, I always wake up before that, but it's a natural awakening, as opposed to a brutal, forced one. I now feel rested when I waken instead of repeatedly hitting the snooze button, making me angry at the world the first 14 to 21 minutes of every day.

I get a lot accomplished those first two to two and a half hours in the morning. Also, somehow, God was beginning to get lost in the shuffle of my life...another thing I wasn't liking much...and I imagine that He wasn't liking my inattentiveness much either. It's nice to get up and have coffee with God again. In addition to that precious, quiet time, I usually manage to get enough domestic stuff done before I have to get ready for work that I feel good about walking out the door, not to mention feeling good when I walk back in again.

I'm sure I'll be attempting to integrate working out at the gym into my morning schedule soon. Right now, I'm just enjoying the one little change in my work schedule that has had such a positive effect on my life. I'm grateful to even have that flexibility.

...Famous, last words....

It's Friday. It's also jeans day here at work and I'm all caught up (for the moment), so I'm comfortable, happy and optimistic. PTO, (Paid Time Off) is a wonderful thing. I'm taking off a few hours early so I can clean the apartment we moved out of, turn in the keys and be done with it as opposed to spending my Saturday up to my elbows in "scrubbing bubbles" and oven cleaner. I've spent every night after work this week putting things away in our new apartment. I'm not done, but at least I can take a deep breath and relax a little this weekend. I have five more full days of PTO to use between now and the end of the year which is amazing to me. Usually, you have to work a year to get a week or two. At my new job, I'm constantly accruing PTO and I have no doubt I will use it.

Bob and I changed our cell phone numbers last night which was rather traumatic for me. I've had the same cell phone password for over ten years. I only remember how long it's been because my password was the building and apartment number where Bob and I lived the last time I changed it...37501204. Who else in the world would remember that other than me? All that's changed now...addresses, phone numbers, passwords, cities and now, states.

Our lives haven't exactly been uneventful with all the changes we've had in the past six months, but it all feels right. We are very happy and content here in Tennessee. It feels good to have the move(s) behind us, to have plenty of room and a garage again. We haven't ventured too far from home thus far, but now that the weather has cooled down we are planning a few road trips on the Harley. It's so beautiful here; it would be crazy to not take the time to discover the area around us. I wonder if the lifers truly realize how beautiful it is?

The question Bob and I get most is whether or not we are going to buy a house "down here." We've met a few people already at our new apartment complex. The buildings there are only four and six years old; everyone we've met have lived there practically since the place opened and loves being there. Hmmm....

We know it's a buyer's market right now, but I'm not interested in buying a house with the emphasis on saving an interest point or two. I guess that should be a big concern but, to answer every one's question, if we buy a house down here, it will be because we found a house we absolutely love that meets all our criteria. Comfortable apartment living has some excellent pros. Unfortunately, it also has some cons. Such is life. The biggest con is money spent, never to be recovered. The biggest pro is the carefree lifestyle living in a community such as ours provides.... Hot water heater quit? Call the Super. Yard needs mowed? Not our problem. Roof, gutters, foundations, windows, plumbing...been there, done that. I guess we'll always keep our eyes and ears open, but I don't anticipate going anywhere anytime soon. I know, I know... famous last words...

It's been a while....

Gee...it's been a long time since I've written. It's been busy-busy-busy at work and busy-busy-busy at home. Moving day is only two days away.

Bob and I had the grand kids last weekend. Since we are moving this weekend and next weekend they will be out of town, I was afraid I would suffer from Lexi & Braedon withdrawal if I didn't get to see them! They keep Bob and I totally in stitches...you never know what's going to come out of their mouths next.

Braedon refused to hug and kiss grandpa last Friday night upon his arrival home from work. Grandpa informed Braedon that he had hurt his feelings.

On Sunday afternoon, Braedon gave grandpa a big hug and kiss before we went out the door to take them home. He looked up at grandpa with those big, blue, sweet eyes and said, "Did I fix your feelings?"

"...and then the focus sorta fizzled."

Caffeine! I've had more than my share today. I'm almost shakey, and I haven't done that to myself in a long time. I had Starbucks early this morning, a cup of coffee mid-morning and a couple glasses of (unsweet) iced tea for lunch...that would do it. I know better than that.

Sometimes it's sad when things that were once a treat become commonplace. I remember visiting Chicago years ago and there was a Starbucks on every other corner. I thought about how awesome it would be to have a Starbucks close by! Now, I can get their coffee downstairs in our cafeteria any time I want. We also have a Starbucks just a few minutes from home...right beside a Krispy Kreme donut shop. I never really understood the fascination with Krisy Kreme donuts until I had a warm, fresh one! Oh, my! Another good example is Cracker Barrel. Remember when you had to travel south to eat at one?

I must not have deep in me today. I felt like I was headed somewhere semi-important and then the focus sorta fizzled. The office is closing early and with less than an hour to go, it's the three day weekend on my mind, not trying to make sense of why we allow special things to become commonplace in our lives. Who needs that? Maybe another day.

I keep checking my two in-boxes...nothing. I have about 12 minutes worth of filing to do. Maybe that will keep me busy on Tuesday morning while everyone else is gearing up from being off three to four days and start assigning me things to do. My job is almost totally reliant on other people assigning tasks to me. There's not a whole lot of work I can create for myself. I never blog until my work is done, but sometimes it pays to pace myself. It's not like I can sweep the floor, (we have people for that). I can't even water the plants, (we have people for that, too.) I was also informed not to pick dead leaves out of the plants because that's the only way we know the plant people are doing their jobs. Isn't that a hoot?

Well, I could go on with my droning...35 minutes 'til we close. But, can you stand it?

Let's see...my sister Janet, her husband Bob and my parents are/were coming for the weekend? I should hear something definite tonight. My mother, somehow, fell off a porch step on Wednesday, broke one ankle and sprained the other. Now, you have to know my mother. She doesn't do anything if she can't do it right! Several years ago, she fell backward off a step ladder and broke both her wrists. But, if I know my mom, she'll be in the backseat with pillows propped and ankles elevated if she can go at all. That's one of the things I love about my mom, her, let's go spirit! She is in a walking boot and says she's not in (much) pain...we shall see!

Actually, the basis of the trip (other than to see the favorite sister/daughter...ha!) was to come pick up the china cabinet I have no room for in the new apartment. I'm losing one very large piece of furniture to let go of a four-windows apartment and move to an eleven-windows apartment. I can handle it. It's not a huge sacrifice for what I'm gaining.

Well, if you have read this entire blog, you deserve a special reward...a final, deep moment... something to ponder. Always remember the specialness of something new and exciting so you can truly appreciate it for years to come. Just remember how excited you were the first time you bought underwear or T-shirts and realized they were tagless. That precious moment will stay with you forever!

Movin' on My Mind

Only two more weekends at our current apartment; moving is weighing heavily on my mind. Not because of the work involved (we're pros at it), but because we're so anxious to get there. Since the kids were at our apartment Sunday night, we were all bumping elbows in the taco assembly line in the kitchen. I won't miss that!

I may miss the openness of the living/dining room we have now. It is one, good-sized room, 24 feet long, to be exact. If we want to pop up the drop leaves to the dining table, we can easily seat 8-10 people. I'm not sure if it will be that easy at the new place, but then again, how often do we have 8 to 10 people for a meal? The living room and kitchen are separated by a 1/2 wall with a breakfast bar, so it is still open...just a little different set up for dining.

We have a ground-floor entrance to our current apartment and it is all one level, but it is built on a hill and when you walk out the back door there is an elevated balcony. I may miss that, too. The morning and evening air is finally getting cool enough to enjoy it again.

Bob and I went to the Hendersonville fireworks display on July 3rd this year with my sister, Jodie, and her husband, Randy. We didn't dream the downtown Nashville fireworks on the 4th would be so amazing and didn't attend, (although we watched it live in HD on TV). I don't know if we will be brave enough to embrace the experience (including crowds, traffic, heat, etc.) next year or not. From what we saw on TV along with the Nashville Symphony playing live throughout the show, we're feeling like it may be worth making the effort...at least once.

Anyway....on the evening of the 4th after the fireworks on TV were over, Bob and I heard rather loud booms and saw flashes of light through the living room windows. As we walked out on our balcony to see what was up, it was if the city of Goodlettsville was putting on a fireworks display...just for us...in honor of our first 4th of July in Tennessee. There, from the comfort of our wicker chairs was one of the most lovely fireworks shows I had ever seen. Flashes of cascading, colored light, strategically placed between the trees on either side of our balcony so as not to block our view. It was quite a memory.

I have some lovely balcony memories. It's amazingly quiet out there considering we are in the middle of an apartment complex. It is a place for conversation or just meditation. A place to enjoy as the sun rises and sets, in the daylight or in the dark. I think Lexi has a memory or two of the balcony as well....ears go through rail posts much easier than they come back out.

Well, at least, when we arrive at the new apartment, we will still have a small patio. It is big enough for our wicker chairs and end table. Big enough to enjoy sunrises and sunsets, to have conversation, to meditate or just to dream. I'm good at that.

Grand Kids! Let Them Entertain You!

My three year old grandson, Braedon, is sooo funny.....he didn't want to play in the bedroom (where the toy box is) by himself this weekend because there were ghostbusters in there.

Bob and I were standing in the doorway last night waving goodbye as Travis, Mandy, Lexi & Braedon were walking to the car. Braedon, holding his mommy's hand, looking back at Granny & Grandpa, called out toward us.....
"Bye!"
A few seconds later, he says....
"I wuv you....."
a few seconds after that he said,
"Good luck!"
He cracks me up.

Wet Dirt

I like the smell of wet dirt.
The grass isn't growin,
so nobody's mowin',
but the sprinklers are goin',
and I like the smell of wet dirt.

Now I may be a little weird,
but not worth shedding any tears.
But if you're gonna, would you please,
hang your head over the dry ground, you see...
I can't help it...I like the smell of wet dirt.

You never know what'll inspire you to write,
from what makes you happy to a restless night.
Sometimes it's something really odd,
or sometimes something wonderful like the awesomeness of God.
This time it's goofy, simply said, I just like the smell of wet dirt.

Who retired?

Bob went to work about a month ago at Bass Pro Shop in the Opry Mills Mall. I've been telling everyone,

"...it's like sending a 12 year old to work at Disneyland."

Yes, ladies, not only does Bob work at the mall, but I pass it everyday on my way to work, too! We only live about 15 minutes from there.

It only took Bob about four months to decide he'd had enough of retirement. I'm surprised it took that long; he's always been so active. He really seems to enjoy his new career. It's his first time in retail so it's a whole new world out there for him to discover! I'm very proud of him and love to hear his hilarious customer related stories. Welcome to the world, baby!

I went to work for Zurich Insurance (Because Change Happenz), through a temp agency about a month after we arrived. Truly, I hadn't planned to go to work quite that quickly. I guess the Lord had other things in mind. I got an awesome offer of work the day after I applied at the agency and was on a plane to Atlanta for training five days later. I spent a total of two and a half weeks in Atlanta, but it was well worth my investment of time away from home. I was hired as a permanent employee of Zurich on July 31st and consider myself truly blessed!

We are looking forward to a break in the temperatures so we can act like retired people! The forecast for today is 104 degrees and we are breaking all kinds of heat related records. Most areas haven't seen rain in weeks! It's even too hot to go to the pool! Now, how sad is that?

We haven't been on the Harley hardly at all this summer. Perhaps I should rephrase that, I haven't been on the Harley hardly at all this summer. Tennessee has a helmet law and we all (riders) know how hot helmets are. Trust me, you wouldn't want to ride close to where we live without it anyway. I've promised Bob, "we'll wear out the Harley this Fall!" I'm looking forward to it...I miss it.

I guess the fact that Bob knows he is retired is all that matters. Being retired means you can go back to being retired if you want to. Right now though, he seems quite content.

Dealing with the "D" Word!

The devil walked in to work this morning with a made-from-scratch, fudge-brownie pie! OK, it wasn't the devil...it was Susan...and the pie, by the way, was mauvelous.

One of the facets of last Sunday's sermon was discipline. Ouch!

I have gained more than a few pounds since arriving in TN. It's discouraging and I can make all the excuses I want, but the bottom line is, I haven't been practicing discipline as I should have been. Our office staff likes to go out for lunch...let's see...the chef salad or the cheeseburger?

Bob and I are trying to eat at home more and go out less. Going out is sooo easy (especially with Bob and I both working now), and there are so many wonderful restaurants to choose from here. But, you have no control over how the food is prepared and I rarely make the right choices at a restaurant. Would you like that fish broiled, baked or fried? Duh!

I'm trying to operate in discipline! Maybe a more positive statement would be, "I will operate in discipline!" I'm believing that I'm going to be a size 6 in Heaven and, Thank the Lord, we won't even know what a calorie or fat gram is!

I've been drinking a lot of water! I'm currently reading The Seven Pillars of Health. Dr. Colbert says to take your weight and divide it in half to determine how many ounces of water you should drink a day. I can already feel the positive benefits. There is a small gym at our new apartment complex; Bob and I are looking forward to integrating "working out" into our day...Heaven, help me!

If only discipline had only to do with food & exercise!

I can think of several areas of my life in which I need to implement more discipline. Even though I think I know what I need to do, I've asked God to reveal specific areas. It's easy to make a list of things we need to do because it would enhance our lives. It's also easy to become overwhelmed and give up before we even get started. I should know, I've done it a million times!

Paul said in the book of Romans, 7th chapter, (Amplified version)...

18For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot perform it. [I have the intention and urge to do what is right, but no power to carry it out.]
19For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing.
20Now if I do what I do not desire to do, it is no longer I doing it [it is not myself that acts], but the sin [principle] which dwells within me [[c]fixed and operating in my soul].
21So I find it to be a law (rule of action of my being) that when I want to do what is right and good, evil is ever present with me and I am subject to its insistent demands.
22For I endorse and delight in the Law of God in my inmost self [with my new nature].(D)
23But I discern in my bodily members [[d]in the sensitive appetites and wills of the flesh] a different law (rule of action) at war against the law of my mind (my reason) and making me a prisoner to the law of sin that dwells in my bodily organs [[e]in the sensitive appetites and wills of the flesh].
24O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death?

Even Paul admitted that we are humans and make mistakes...even to the point of sin. He sums up his woes by saying...

25O thank God! [He will!] through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One) our Lord!...

Looking to and trusting God day by day, hour by hour & moment by moment is the only true way to achieve discipline. Thank God, He will deliver us through Jesus!

Whatever it is, we can do it!

What an awesome Sunday at Living To Go Church. It was one of those Sundays when the Spirit of the Lord is present when you walk in the door. You would think it would be that way every Sunday, but the instant presence of the Lord sometimes seems more powerful on some Sundays than on others. We didn't have to usher in the presence of the Lord, He was just there!

Bob and I visited only a few churches after relocating to Goodlettsville, especially after we located Living To Go. I believe it's our new, home church. You can check it out at www.livingtogo.org.

My Redeemer lives!

"I know my Redeemer lives!" Boy, that CeCe can sing!

I finally brought a radio in to work as the office can be painfully quiet at times. (Which is another reason I'm able to blog...when my work is done, it's something constructive to do.) I found a great Christian radio station. I never listened to Christian radio much before...I guess because in IL, I had a hard time finding one that didn't intermingle that "hard-rocky" stuff. Gee whiz, I'm getting old. I love having the radio on down low...especially when I hear a praise and worship song that I know well or a new one we're doing at church. My heart just swells in praise, gratitude & worship...right here in my cubicle! God is so good!

I've been waiting a few days before I let everyone know I've been blogging...to see if it's something I'll keep up with. I have enough down time at work that I think I can.

It occurred to me that there may be a few people in my personal E-mail address book that may not even be aware that Bob and I have relocated. (My apologies!) No one would be surprised to know that we had moved, but you may be surprised to know that we moved all the way to Goodlettsville, Tennessee in early March. My son, Travis, & his family live in LaVergne and my sister, Jodie, and her family live in Gallatin. Bob and I are between the two!

This move was a long-term goal for us. But, once Bob finally decided to retire in January and our home sold so quickly (that's another story in itself), we more or less just packed up & headed south! We came to TN on a 3-day weekend in February and found a just-get-me-there apartment. We are now preparing to move again.

To my fellow Tennesseans, let me say, "relax;" we've hired movers, and are moving on the 15th, not the 8th as earlier planned.

We are actually moving "just up the road," not more than 10 minutes from where we are now, but we will be moving from Goodlettsville to Madison. We are going from a two bedroom to a two bedroom, but in the new apartment we'll have huge, walk-in closets, big bathrooms, a utility room instead of the utility closet I have off the kitchen now and a garage! In short, it's newer, nicer and just bigger all the way around.

My sister, Joyce, (a.k.a., Rev. Mrs., Sister, Pastor Joyce), and brother-in-law Rod, (a.k.a., Rev., Pastor, Brother Rod), called a couple weeks ago...they just wanted to know if I was happy? I love you guys.

But, yes, we are very happy and, sorry, we're not coming "home."

We miss our families, of course. I know I wasn't at Mom & Dad's as frequently as I should have been nor nearly as much as Daddy would have liked, but it was nice to just be able to hop in the car and be there in a few minutes when I could. I love & miss you, Mom & Dad.

I miss my sisters and friends and being able to pick up the phone and meet them for lunch or dinner when it's time to "catch up" again. We miss Destiny Fellowship and the awesome people who are the church. The thing of it is, God honored my deepest heart's desire...to be here near my son & his family. He worked everything out beautifully, to the tiniest detail, and He still is. He really, really loves us!

Just some thoughts...

I got in my car last night at 7:30 after having been in the hair salon for two hours and had to turn on my head lights! Summer is going to be over before we know it. I just hadn't realized it was getting so dark so early...

Brilley Parkway and the Elm Hill Pike exit are now open...there are now so many lanes I almost don't know which one to choose! The additional lanes have cut a minimum of 10 minutes off my commute time. I'm so thankful...it's such a nice road.

It's a new day! Welcome!

I've been thinking about creating a blog for months now...even before moving from central Illinois to middle Tennessee!

We all have our circle of friends and family and it seems impossible to stay in touch with everyone, as much as we'd love to be able to. My hope is that "blogging" will be one form of staying in communication with everyone! My goal in life is to always try and possess a grateful, hopeful spirit and a positive attitude, thus the name "Hope note for today!"

As well as providing the ability to "keep in touch," a blog is a journal. For those of you who know me well, have been the recipients of my E-mails, letters or read anything I've ever written, you know I have a tendency to be wordy and don't leave a lot to your imagination. My life has always been an open book and for some reason, I want the person(s) I share my thoughts with to know every detail. I'm trying to break that bad habit.

However, I will probably share thoughts that will often come under the category of did you know or do you care? This site is not just for "keeping up." It will be about whatever is on my heart and mind at that particular moment. It's a blog!

As this is my initial posting (and created this blog on the spur-of-the-moment even if I have been thinking about it for months), I don't know if I'll be posting daily, weekly...you get the idea. But, feel free to log on as frequently as you like, post comments, share the site with someone. I'll probably be posting a picture soon.

So, for now, God bless ya'll and I'll talk to you soon!